Poems by Syeda Arfa -

We separated ways and it gave me,
another reason to cover the hurt with a thick sheath of words.
Words have always been my shield,
whenever I feel like I can’t heal.
They’ve always been there to hide me,
when I’ve left none beside me.
Now, as I’ve got another reason to play the word game,
I find it much easier to be okay and suppress the pain.
I always speculated how would it feel
to have a part of you missing.
Always wondered how would it feel to not being able to even let the name slip
from your tongue that you once chanted like a mantra
Now I’m living all the feelings I once just thought of
And I with all honestly do not blame you
Neither do I consider myself to be the one who went awry.
It’s just the games of destiny
Certainly, some things are just not meant to be.

It’s 2:43 A.M.
I’m standing by my window
The sky’s pitch black
No stars! as my gaze is drifting

Don’t feel like gaping at the moon tonight

Moon! yeah, not tonight
It reminds me of you somehow

Got a couple cigarettes
In the back pocket of my ripped jeans
Waiting for the night to turn a shade darker

Mama doesn’t know I smoke
I don’t do it often, no!
Just tonight
I feel like forgetting the pain

My cigarettes are my best friends

They know it all
They’ve been there in my downfall
My cigarettes never lie
They don’t mind for how long I cry

Pain lurked in those ashes
Tears amassed on my lashes
Stinging eyes
My cigarette never lies

Come hither
I’ll give you a taste, it’s bitter
Just one blow
And you will know
How it feels to have something

Swallow all the pain you bear alone

They are all I’ve left
They are not gonna leave
I hold them tight, as my throat goes dry
My cigarettes never lie

i think I’m chosen
when it comes to heartbreaks
it either makes me frozen
or my whole body shakes

love suddenly looks so easy
when they talk about it
but i always feel so uneasy
i have long since quit

i took a poison in the name of love
and after all the time it still has the aftertaste
even if i put it all above
it turned out to be such a waste

wish i could do what they say
take a pill and go to sleep
my world is never blue but gray
and the wound i have is too deep

they don’t know cuz i don’t show

but on the inside, it really hurts.
really, really hurts.

it gets a little hard to fake
makes my whole body ache
because on the inside, it really hurts.
really, really hurts!

all that’s callous and dark
unite in me and leave a mark
endless grey sky devoid of any constellation
it’s rancid how my heart beats in agitation.
am i supposed to be happy with this melancholic clot in my heart?
if yes then i better crush and rip myself apart.
sadistically i held you dearly inside my soul with utmost finesse
loving you, without you was like kissing a frog to become a princess.
deep big ocean of messy emotions,
i’m stuck in the middle with my chaotic notions
healing seems impossible,
pain clinging to me like a leech
but maybe this ocean will part into two,
finally, to the end, i will reach.

I’m fine // Yeah, I’m so not fine
A person, in a thousand pieces
That’s what I am

The dread, I hide it the best
But sometimes, it just shows

The fire, it burns my soul
But my head is held up high enough
To behold the damage right through

Long ago, I realized
There’s no solace, in this cruel realm

Scream for help // I never did
Keeping it all inside
There’s now a hefty tower within me

That no matter how much you bend your head down
If you’re on top, sorry! you can’t see the ground

When the fire was done burning my soul
I took the charge
And set fire to my heart

After burning it whole, I dusted it
In a hope that I’d find nothing but ashes

Yet you, are still there
The pain gets doubled // it’s not fair.

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